Simone
语法上 错误很多 不一一说明了 详细看我下面写的范文段落上 只有开头段 和 主体段 没有结尾段 就内容而言，也没有 作文的 起 承 转 合 应有的结构句式上 简单句太多 缺乏长句 复杂句 以及特殊句式 来支撑你的论点用词上 简单词太多 基本都是初中词汇 没有亮点词汇和加分词汇逻辑上 很混乱 第一段你说想写捕鲸业 第二段却看不出你要写的内容最后一点 我学英语到今天 一看到这种捕鲸类的topic 立马想到正反两个方面论证 今天第一次看到Lz把这种题目当记述文来写，我觉得很有创意，受教了。不过我觉得这种类型还是写成议论文升侍比较合适总之问题很多 建议不顷皮管你是初中 高中 还是 大学 还是该多看看范文ok，问题说完吵乎吵了，下面上正餐In recent years, it is said that Australians are aware of stopping whaling and protecting whales which living in the Antarctica, while Japaneses keep whaling in the Antarctica so dramatically that even was warned by Australian Administartions.Consequently heated news have been going on about whether whaling should be forbiden.In this passage, I would like to discuss both sides.In terms of whale fishery,It is evident that the golden age of whale fishery is over,which in particular,the main purpose on whale hunting is to get the valuble oil,meat,and bones of whales,while at the same time, these precious proportions have been instead with the counterparts of high technology inventions.Furthermore,the violence in killing of whales is a challenging to the contemporary sosciety,which the peace,equality,and friendly affections to the nature and what are contained in nature are often announced in media programme.By contrast，I admit that definitely the government budgets is benefit from the industry chains in some area of the world such as Japan. Howerver,I have to say it is not an efficent way to solve national finance and economic by killing whales in long terms. As a eyewitness,we apparently see how Japanese neighbourhood,China, develop the national power and enhanced the level of living conditions as a staggering rate without whaling.In summary, on the basis of the above factors,I am convinced that whaling should be banned and whales should be protected, and in addition, I wish that people are more aware of knowing whales. 这篇范文是我刚写的 时间： 也就花了半个小时标准： IELTS（雅思）的句式模板和论证形式 + 大学四六级的词汇说明： 开头段 和结尾段 都是 标准的IELTS模板 第二段主体段我只写了两个论点 第三段让步段我只写了一个论点当然我可以写的更详细一点，用词也可以更复杂一点，但是太累，另外我觉得LZ的水平如果拿更深奥的文章来忽悠你有悖实际 这个文章已经够用了仅供参考
